The Rabbit Hole spits you back out!

Well hello. It’s been some time since I’ve written a blog entry. I’ve been a little busy! And, my brain has been a little busy also.

As someone who has struggled with anxiety, I can promise you something. It does spit you back out of the rabbit hole. If you’re confused because you don’t follow, or you haven’t experienced anxiety before, I’ll explain.

When it pipes up, too much of that “stress” chemical cortisol(the chemical that was designed to prepare you for dealing with stress, like a burning building) is hanging around. It can make something simple as putting together legos or someone cutting you in line seem like attempted homicide (on the inside).

So, regardless, if I have too much of that stress chemical mixed into my brain cocktail, I just “feel” the weight of stress and even the littlest thing can send me down the “rabbit hole”. It is so dumb.

I want to break in right here to say that I don’t know where I’d be without the saving Grace of Jesus and the comfort of the Holy Spirit living within me. Dealing with anxiety is annoying and exhausting, but is do-able for me only through the Strength I have been provided through my faith. I know the Truth. The Truth is that although this world is full of brokenness, including our physical bodies, Christ has overcome it all. If you’re not a person of faith, that will sound remarkably ridiculous. I know. But, it is the Truth, and that Truth has set me free.

Thank Goodness that there are so many blessed minds and hands in this world that have helped create methods to assist people hurting with anxiety and depression.

The stigma of mental illness is melting away, thank goodness. If our entire bodies can have sickness and even life-long illness, that also includes our brains-hello! An individual with a heart condition has no reason to be ashamed or say that they will take no medicine to help with their illness because they do not want to appear weak. The same thing goes with mental illness. There are the few that have their common sense inhibited, bless their hearts, and require padded walls for everyone’s safety. I’m not making a joke here. By the by, these folks dealing with padded walls are not concerned about people  joking about them. They have other struggles their brains are dealing with!

But, for the greater population of those warring against mental illness, it is a silent battle. It is a pain, just like any other pain in your leg, or arm. It is a pain that constantly nags at you and saps the energy out of you, especially if you’re fighting it.

I have taken medicine twice, but always stopped taking it when I felt better. Of course, that means that it was working. But, part of my struggle with sin, is the need to be perfect. I’ve struggled with shame my entire life with a slew of things that I have done that could elicit this feeling. I’ve realized though, I’m not ashamed of my past sin, I’ve been ashamed to admit that I have a mental illness. I’ve prayed countless nights for God to heal me of this feeling of shame. I thought that some inner shame of my past was what was causing me to feel the anxiety. But, the Word says that I am set free. Free from my sin and shame. The only shame I’ve had left is that I’m not perfect, which is my stinking pride. Pride is my most powerful sin! Not too long ago I had a revelation. I am healed of my shame when I am no longer ashamed to admit my struggle. Thank you Jesus for opening my eyes.

Next. Moving on. The purpose of this post.

When dealing with anxiety: the greatest way to get through it is to first realize that it is not going to kill you. You are not going to die from this. Anxiety is just fear. If you begin to stop believing the fear, you stop dealing with anxiety in the loop that never ends, the rabbit hole. The rabbit hole is where and when your mind doesn’t want to stop, obsessive thoughts linger over stupid things, and where you begin to feel overburdened. When you feel this way, resign to experience the feelings with the knowledge that your body is just doing this and it will not kill you. I stopped having panic attacks because of this. I just got so MAD about the fact that I felt this way, that I was like, “Fine.Just do your thing and I’ll wait for things to get better. But, I refuse to freak out and act like this is bigger than me and the Truth.”

Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere and you just have to deal with it. But again, I just say, “Go for it.” It really helps. It may just be my personality, but don’t want to be afraid.

Eventually, {the point of this long and fragmented post}, is that you will exit the rabbit hole at some point. You must remember this when you are in there. You must consciously tell yourself, “Well, this won’t go on forever”.  It just doesn’t. You can’t stay there forever because it will get boring for your brain.

The worst part of the anxiety for me isn’t even the fear. It is that I feel exhausted of carrying around the boulder. I get tired of having to tell my mind that everything is fine and to calm down. EVERYTHING IS FINE! I just want to feel that way on the inside.

This is life. I am still an over-comer. I can’t stand it sometimes, but I’ve learned so much through my struggles. God IS good. All of the time. Can’t live in your mind or believe everything you think/hear. The truth is NOT dependent on what you believe. The Truth is the truth and it cannot be changed otherwise it would not be truth.

Scripture that comes to mind regarding this topic:

Psalm 94:18-19 {I cried out, “I am slipping!” But your unfailing love oh Lord supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.}


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